“There! Turn there Private Chuck-Bob.”
“Yessir. Here we are sir. The Balt-e-more Port. Sir.”
“Now, Private Chuck-Bob, we need to find the ship setting sail for Lithuania, is what the security guard said.”
“Lithu – what? Sir?”
“Lithuania. Private Chuck-Bob, Lithuania. It’s a country on the Baltic sea in Northern Europe.”
“Right. Wow, sir, you really know your geography. Sir.”
“I looked it up on the internet while you were driving, Private Chuck-Bob.”
“Right. Sir. Of course, sir. That makes sense, sir.”
“Turn in there, Private Chuck-Bob. Park here. That’s it. Now, we must hurry. If we could flag down a security guard, that would be excellent.”
“Roger that, sir, a security guard. I’ll be on the look out sir.”
“As will I, Private Chuck-Bob, as will I.”
“Sir?”
“Yes Private Chuck-Bob.”
“Sir, when we find the chicken, what are . . . uh, what are we going to do with it?”
“A good question Private Chuck-Bob, an excellent question. We will, Private Chuck-Bob, interrogate it.”
“Right, sir. That’s a great plan, sir. Interrogate. That sounds great. Sir. Uh, sir?”
“Yes Private Chuck-Bob.”
“How do you expect to interrogate a chicken sir?”
“Private Chuck-Bob, there are things you may not be fully briefed on, given your insufficient security clearance. I, however, have devastating knowledge.”
“Devastating? Sir?”
“Above your security clearance, Private Chuck-Bob. Above your clearance.”
“Right sir. I get that. Sir.”
“Look there! Private Chuck-Bob! Flag down those security guards.”
“Sir?”
“Over there, in that golf cart. Perfect Private Chuck-Bob. Information and transportation. Flag them down!”
“Right away sir! Hey you! Over here!”
“What seems to be the problem gentlemen?”
“Are you the security guards who called in the suspicious looking young people with a certain, peculiar bowling ball case?”
“Roger that, are you . . . are you from the Military?”
“Indeed we are, son, indeed we are. Here’s my identification.”
“Wow, a colonel! I’m glad I called that in, it must be important.”
“Can you, two fine gentlemen take myself and my trusty assistant to the cargo ship bound for Lithuania? I believe we’ll find our quarry attempting to board that ship.”
“Right away, gentlemen, hop in.”
“Do you remember which slip that cargo ship was in?”
“I, ur, grr, do not.”
“I’ll just radio up the office and find out.”
“No – don’t – urg.”
“Two four niner, two four niner, this is Johnny and the Appleseed, come in two four niner . . . over.”
“Johnny and the Appleseed, roger that – we read you. Over.”
“Roger that two four niner, can you remind us where that ship bound for Lithuania is berthed?“
“Roger that Johnny, slip 325, outbound any minute.”
“Roger that two four niner, and thanks! Over and out.”
“Slip 325.”
“I heard them, Johnny.”
“Ahem, can you please step on it?”
“I can, Colonel.”
“I mean, by step on it, go faster.”
“Roger that sir. I am stepping on it as we speak.”
“Is this as fast as it goes?”
“This is it, Colonel.”
“I see. Is it far?”
“It’s not far, sir. Just around … yes, there it is.”
“Excellent! The ship is still here. Private Chuck-Bob, run over to the ship and stop them!”
“Yes sir!”
“Gentlemen, the entire US Military thanks you for your service. You may continue on your rounds. Keep these ports safe!”
“Shoot, thanks colonel.”
“Good luck!”
“Oh, I won’t need luck. I have it now. I have it…Private Chuck-Bob!”
“Yessir!” “Did you find a member of the crew who can help us?”
“Uh, maybe, sir. This here fellow seems to be on duty, though it looks like maybe he’s just waking up from a nap, sir.”
“You there. Have you seen a young couple with a chicken? Private Chuck-Bob, why is he running away? And what’s that he’s yelling about?”
“I . . . I don’t know, sir, maybe he is afraid.”
“Of what could he be afraid of, Private Chuck-Bob?”
“I don’t know, sir, but you mentioned ‘chicken’ and he just plain lost it. Sir.”
“That seals it, Private Chuck-Bob, they’ve been here for sure. Come, we must find the captain and . . . yes, here come a group of men, they must know what . . .hey . . . hey . . . get your hands off me! I’m a colonel in the US Military, you can’t just pick me up and drag me around like this, I will see your captain! I will, arrgh!”
“Sir?”
“Yes Private Chuck-Bob.”
“Those Lithuanians really didn’t want us on their ship. Sir.”
“That’s very true, Private Chuck-Bob. Help me out of this barrel, God knows whatever was in it before me stank to high heaven.”
“Yessir, I’ll be right there, right after I get out of this pile of pallets I seem to be stuck in.”
“Never mind, Private Chuck-Bob, I can get myself – great gorillas, the ship is leaving! Private Chuck-Bob we . . . we need air support, we need the marines, the coast guard, anyone! Private Chuck-Bob, get on the radio. This is an emergency!”
“Sir? I’m stuck in a pile of pallets, and our nearest radio is a long walk back to the Jeep. Sir.”
“Well, that, Private Chuck-Bob, was faulty planning. Make sure you always have a radio with you, Private Chuck-Bob.”
“Sir? I’m not sure we could have stopped them anyhow. They, urg, they seemed very intent on casting of and getting underway, sir.”
“Yes, Private Chuck-Bob, they certainly did.”
“So, uh, sir?”
“Yes Private Chuck-Bob?”
“What do we do now? They got away, sir.”
“Oh, Private Chuck-Bob, they most certainly did not. They are in as much of a prison now as if they were in our very own brig.”
“Sir? How’s that sir? It looks like they’re on a boat to Lithuania, sir.”
“That they are, Private Chuck-Bob. That they are.”
“So . . . uh sir? Am I missing something here sir?”
“You are, my dear Private Chuck-Bob. You are.”
“Uh, well, ok, sir, but uh, could you maybe fill me in?”
“It’s simple, Private Chuck-Bob. They’re on a boat headed for a place we know they’re going. All we have to do is get on a plane, beat them to port, and wait for them to get off the boat. When they do – we’ll nab them!”
“Wow, sir. What a great plan! Sir. Brilliant. Sir.”
“Of course it’s brilliant, Private Chuck-Bob. Of course it’s brilliant.”
“Sir?”
“What is it now, Private Chuck-Bob?”
”Uh, sir, I’m really stuck here. Sir.”
“Private Chuck-Bob, we have days and days to get to Lithuania, you just take all the time you need to extricate yourself.”
“Uh, yessir.”
“Think of it, Private Chuck-Bob. In little more than a week from now, we’ll have the culprit in our clutches. And then we’ll see who’s really in charge.”
“Uh, sir? Isn’t General Rogers in charge?”
“Private Chuck-Bob! That was a figure of speech. We’ll head back to the base and get our passports. You may have to take some leave, but Private Chuck-Bob, we’ll have them!”
“Uh, sir? I’ll need to take leave sir?”
“Yes Private Chuck-Bob, our victory is all but ensured. Now, please go get the Jeep and then come and pick me up.”
“Sir, uh, yes sir? Uh, sir, I’m still stuck in the pile of pallets. Sir.”
“Just think, Private Chuck-Bob, they’re almost ours.”
“Sir. Yes sir. Uh sir, can you help me out here?”
“You just hang tight, Private Chuck-Bob. I’ll go get help.”
“Uh, sir? I . . . okay, sir. Thank you sir.”
The Continuing Adventures of Crimson Hen 